23/07/2026
For the last two days I’ve been sitting mindfully creating and just letting the grief pour out of me! Listening to music and asking Sam to play his song…. It came on and I ugly cried to the whole thing, it was the release i needed. I’ve kept it all bottled up for so long trying to be strong, trying to ignore it, trying to pretend this isn’t my life. When it is and there’s not a damn thing I can do about. Except make him proud as I move forward.
Today the vision of Sam passing came into my mind and watching his soul leave his body, was the most surreal experience of my life. Even though I begged them to do cpr and my boys had to pick me up off the icu floor screaming hysterically, I’ve never heard my voice like that, I didn’t have a choice it was coming out whether I wanted it to or not and I’m so grateful I didn’t have the choice but to express myself so freely. And reliving that moment inspired me to write to get out everything I’m feeling and have felt and to speak my truth, who knows there may be someone out there, somewhere that needs to read my words. Who I am to keep them to myself! Not anymore! I need to and deserve to be heard. Im back baby listen to me roar!!!
