02/10/2026
Dementia and Alzheimer’s steals your memories - it pulls them out and shatters them into little pieces that can’t be put together like a beautiful puzzle. It’s a thief in the night that comes and encourages you to wander your home looking for them. You don’t sleep, you forget to drink water, you forget to take your necessary medications, you forget to eat.
I’m in NB on an emotional and emergency trip as for the last few years my mom has been declining. I knew things were bad before I arrived but seeing her decline in person was most heartbreaking. Mostly speaking in the past tense as she’s not present in the day to day and every single sentence is disjointed and distorted.
She may not have been the ‘perfect’ mother but she was a special kind of woman that was vibrant, had some of the most amazing friends, still has some that are alive, she was sweet, she loved people, she loved to laugh, she loved anything vintage or antique, she was the first person to love my posts and comment on them. Now she can’t even remember how to turn on her computer let alone her password 💔
I’ve been here sitting with her in her home between long overdue doctors appointments, listening as she rambles on and not making much sense. I’m spending a lot of time just holding her cold hand’s trying to ground her and tell her that I love her.
There’s a massive part of me that feels a strong sense of guilt, guilt for not coming sooner, guilt that I didn’t push to have her come and be closer to me in BC. In BC where it would be easier to see her regularly and remind her of who I am and who I am to her.
Today I’m going to bundle her up and we’re going to drive to the ocean as I know that even though she is not completely aware of the Atlantic coast it will more than likely be her last time.
Tomorrow I will lie to her yet again and tell her that we are going to see the doctor. It’s a place that I’m not completely happy about leaving her in but sadly there’s not a plethora of choices in NB. While she’s eating lunch with the other residents I’ve been told to just slip out the door and not look back. Once I was told this a few days ago my heart shattered. Continuing in comments….
