Porch Pecking with GG - the GladAss Goose

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Happy Mother’s Day to all the mothers out there.Yes… even the weird ones. Especially the weird ones.The moms who still l...
05/10/2026

Happy Mother’s Day to all the mothers out there.
Yes… even the weird ones. Especially the weird ones.

The moms who still lick their thumb to wipe your face in public like they’re detailing a windshield.
The moms who think “a little Facebook research” makes them licensed detectives, doctors, and weather forecasters.
The moms yelling “WHO TOUCHED THE THERMOSTAT?” like the FBI just breached the home.

And nothing says motherhood quite like spending 18 years saying:
“I’m not asking again.”
…while absolutely asking again.

So today, buy your mother flowers, call her, and pretend you don’t remember the emotional support wooden spoon she used to carry around the house or the creative punishments she designed especially for you.

And if your mom is weird?
Cherish her.
Normal mothers don’t provide enough material for family gossip or ME!

Follow the page Porch Pecking with GG the GladAss Goose—where the gossip is hot, the attitude is hotter, and life choices are ALWAYS under review

Well would ya look at this… the day before Mother’s Day gave Marge TWO official reasons to become completely unbearable....
05/09/2026

Well would ya look at this… the day before Mother’s Day gave Marge TWO official reasons to become completely unbearable.

It’s National Dog Mom Day AND National Moscato Day.

So naturally, Marge has spent the entire day in full Marge Mode:

Clutching a glass of moscato like it’s emotional support juice
Baby talking Bentley like he personally pays the mortgage
Taking 47 photos of him wearing a bandana
…and calling it “quality family time.”

Meanwhile Bentley is out here living better than most people:
snacks on demand, blankies fresh from the dryer, filtered water, and a woman willing to cancel plans because “he looked sleepy.”

Honestly? That dog has more rights than I do around here.

And Marge? Two glasses of moscato in and she’s on the couch whispering to Bentley like he’s her soulmate while he’s actively trying to lick crumbs out of the recliner

Beautiful. Inspiring. Slightly fermented.

Happy National Dog Mom & Moscato Day to all who celebrate.
Especially the women currently sipping wine while referring to their pets as “the children.”

Follow the page Porch Pecking with GG the GladAss Goose—where the gossip is hot, the attitude is hotter, and life choices are ALWAYS under review

Happy National Donkey Day.A day to honor the hardworking, loyal, intelligent donkey… and also recognize the human versio...
05/08/2026

Happy National Donkey Day.
A day to honor the hardworking, loyal, intelligent donkey… and also recognize the human versions roaming freely through society causing disturbances in flip-flops.

Now let me be clear, I respect the donkey.
Strong work ethic.
Tough as nails.
Carries everybody else’s burdens without complaint.

Unlike Gary, who threw his back out dragging a folding chair across the driveway so he could monitor neighborhood activity like a retired mall cop.

The lesson today is simple:
Respect and admire the donkey… but don’t be an a**.

That means:
Don’t yell at cashiers.
Don’t blame me for the Christmas decorations going up in the stores already.
Don’t block the grocery aisle like you’re directing traffic at the airport.
And for the love of feathers, don’t “reply all” to neighborhood emails.

Some of y’all are one inconvenience away from full barnyard behavior!

Follow the page Porch Pecking with GG the GladAss Goose—where the gossip is hot, the attitude is hotter, and life choices are ALWAYS under review

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National No Diet Day is all about loving yourself exactly as you are. Big thighs. Soft belly. Extra fluff. Stretch marks...
05/07/2026

National No Diet Day is all about loving yourself exactly as you are. Big thighs. Soft belly. Extra fluff. Stretch marks. Feathers slightly outta alignment. All of it.

You do NOT need to starve yourself to deserve confidence.
You deserve to take up space, eat dessert, and strut around like the absolute masterpiece you are.
Now… that being said…there IS apparently a limit to “loving your body publicly.”

Because the SECOND I tried celebrating self-love with a relaxing porch bath and a little open-air exfoliation, suddenly I’m “causing a disturbance” and “violating public decency laws.”

Interesting.

So yes, embrace body positivity.
Love yourself boldly.
Wear the swimsuit.
Take the photo.
Eat the fries.

But maybe keep the full bathtub experience indoors unless you too wanna spend three nights in county wearing an itchy orange jumpsuit or stripes while Marge “teaches you a lesson.”

Ridiculous.

Follow the page Porch Pecking with GG the GladAss Goose—where the gossip is hot, the attitude is hotter, and life choices are ALWAYS under review

Today is Great American Grump Out Day. Which I’m assuming is a nationwide attempt to silence people like me.You want few...
05/06/2026

Today is Great American Grump Out Day. Which I’m assuming is a nationwide attempt to silence people like me.

You want fewer complaints? Fewer dramatic sighs? Less perfectly valid commentary about how everything is, in fact, slightly irritating?

Absolutely not.

I didn’t spend this much time cultivating my personality just to wake up and be pleasant. That sounds exhausting. And frankly… appalling.

They say today is about choosing gratitude and letting go of negativity. I say… I’m grateful for my ability to notice nonsense and call it out with precision.

So no, I will not be “grumping out”, I will be grumping with intention!

HOWEVER… I will be honoring the other holiday happening today: National Beverage Appreciation Day.
I do have one question—who thought pairing these two was a good idea? Don’t tell Marge what’s in my cup, she still isn’t happy that I had Bentley drinking Margaritas last night! While a good beverage might improve my mood… it will absolutely lower my filter. We all know I wasn’t exactly holding back to begin with.
This is a celebration I can fully commit to.

If nobody complains… how will the rest of you know what needs fixing?

You’re Welcome!

“Follow the page Porch Pecking with GG the GladAss Goose—where the gossip is hot, the attitude is hotter, and life choices are ALWAYS under review”

Well well well… look who’s back among the free and fabulous just in time for Cinco de Mayo. Yes, I have officially been ...
05/05/2026

Well well well… look who’s back among the free and fabulous just in time for Cinco de Mayo.

Yes, I have officially been RELEASED. Turns out jail was not my color—very drab, zero sparkle, and the service? Absolutely tragic.

I’d like to extend a gracious thank you to everyone who called, texted, wrote letters, sent smoke signals, and generally harassed Marge into loosening her grip on that bail money. Your dedication to my freedom (and frankly, your excellent taste in priorities) has not gone unnoticed.

Marge, of course, claims I needed to “learn a lesson.”
�Still waiting on what that lesson was… other than orange is deeply offensive to my complexion.

But no matter. I’ve got lost time to make up for, margaritas to supervise, and a reputation to restore.

And yes brother Bentley is celebrating my release. Someone has clearly missed me. I guess I’m glad I didn’t sell him.. at least for now, but make me the right offer and I could be persuaded…. Just don’t tell Marge!

Cinco de Mayo, consider this your official warning: GG’s BACK!

“Follow the page Porch Pecking with GG the GladAss Goose—where the gossip is hot, the attitude is hotter, and life choices are ALWAYS under review”

UPDATE…. BREAKING NEWS….GG has been sprung from the slammer! She is on her way home!
05/05/2026

UPDATE…. BREAKING NEWS….

GG has been sprung from the slammer! She is on her way home!

Well… here I am. Incarcerated. Confined. Emotionally inconvenienced.Do you have any idea how boring jail is? I have now ...
05/04/2026

Well… here I am. Incarcerated. Confined. Emotionally inconvenienced.

Do you have any idea how boring jail is? I have now watched the clock so long I’m pretty sure we’re in a toxic relationship. It keeps moving, I keep waiting, and nothing productive is happening.

Meanwhile, inmates are getting bailed out like it’s a clearance sale. One minute they’re here, next minute, p**f, freedom. Must be nice to have people who believe in you.

And Marge? Oh, Marge is holding the purse strings like she’s teaching a masterclass in “tough love.” Apparently, AND I QUOTE , I “need to learn a lesson.”

A lesson?? Oh yes, I’m learning so much:
• I’ve learned this lighting is criminal.
• I’ve learned orange is not my color (I find the black and white stripes a much better match).
• oh, and how to fold a jumpsuit with attitude?

Marge, if you’re reading this, Let the record show: I would absolutely reflect on my behavior… from the comfort of my porch… with a beverage… and better lighting.

Until then, I’ll be here. Watching the clock. Missing everything. Suffering dramatically.

Justice may be blind, but she’s also apparently very slow with bail paperwork.

“Follow the page Porch Pecking with GG the GladAss Goose—where the gossip is hot, the attitude is hotter, and life choices are ALWAYS under review”

Today was my expedited arraignment.I showed up looking like justice herself, feathers fluffed, attitude calibrated, full...
05/03/2026

Today was my expedited arraignment.

I showed up looking like justice herself, feathers fluffed, attitude calibrated, fully prepared to clear my name and maybe pick up a few admirers on the way out.

Unfortunately… the judge did not appreciate my personality.

Somewhere between me asking if the courtroom had a “VIP section” and suggesting the charges felt a little jealous, things took a turn. Suggesting we “wrap this up, I have a life to live” was also not appreciated.

Apparently my tone was “a concern.”
Which is interesting, because I thought it was a highlight.

Next thing I know?
I was held in contempt.
Which feels dramatic, but also on brand.

And THEN,because we love escalation, bail was set at a number so high they think I’m both a FLIGHT RISK and a national treasure.

So anyway… here I am. They sent me up the river! Locked this bird in a CAGE! The accommodations are humbling, but the audience is captive. Just me, four walls, and a collection of characters who didn’t ask for a show… but are absolutely getting one.

“Follow the page Porch Pecking with GG the GladAss Goose—where the gossip is hot, the attitude is hotter, and life choices are ALWAYS under review”. Oh and send smokes and bail money please!

Well… my spa day took a slight turn.Picture it: bubbles perfectly fluffed, water temp elite, feathers moisturized to a l...
05/02/2026

Well… my spa day took a slight turn.

Picture it: bubbles perfectly fluffed, water temp elite, feathers moisturized to a level most of you could never achieve. I’m mid-soak, fully committed to my wellness journey, when suddenly… sirens.

Before I can even rinse, the police roll up like I’m running an underground bathhouse.

Next thing I know, I’m being PLUCKED from my tub—feathers flying, dignity evaporating, bubbles fighting for their lives, while someone yells “indecent exposure.”

INDecent?? I was serving spa chic. There’s a difference.

And let’s address the neighborhood investigation:
We ALL know it wasn’t Gary who… who could it have been?

Spent some time in booking. No candles. No soft music. Not even a complimentary towel. Honestly? The service industry is collapsing.

“Follow the page Porch Pecking with GG the GladAss Goose—where the gossip is hot, the attitude is hotter, and life choices are ALWAYS under review”

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