https://www.facebook.com/954785637728927/

Porch Pecking with GG - the GladAss Goose

Home
United States
Knoxville, TN
Porch Pecking with GG - the GladAss Goose

Contact information, map and directions, contact form, opening hours, services, ratings, photos, videos and announcements from Porch Pecking with GG - the GladAss Goose, Knoxville, TN.

04/27/2026

It’s National Design Day, and as expected… my choices are flawless.

This porch? Curated.
This look? Intentional.
This level of excellence? Naturally occurring.

Some of you are still out here “experimenting,” and it shows.

Also, it’s National Gummy Bear Day—which feels like poor timing for anyone already struggling with decision-making. So before you start rearranging furniture, buying questionable décor, or expressing yourself a little too freely… make sure you’re not under the influence of those special gummies.

Because I promise you—what feels like genius in the moment is usually just glitter, regret, and a receipt you can’t return.

Stay tasteful. Stay sharp. Stay sober in your design choices.

“Follow the page Porch Pecking with GG the GladAss Goose—where the gossip is hot, the attitude is hotter, and life choices are ALWAYS under review”

04/25/2026

Weekend update: I survived yard work and another day of pickleball… barely.

We won’t talk about the pickleball and the 11 opponents that made me look like an amateur. They must have read yesterday’s Facebook post and came ready to “punish” me. So after my whopping I came home and was out there like a landscaping influencer—supervising, critiquing, aggressively pointing at things that needed to be done and making Marge earn her keep around here!

The overcast sky understood the assignment. No sun, no pressure, no witnesses to the fact that Marge and I now move like we’ve been in a bar fight with a rake. Think I came close to throwing in the towel!

If anyone needs me, I’ll be out here healing… and judging how fast your weeds grow back. I may just need to start taking weekends off, a goose can only do so much and still be this fabulous!

04/24/2026

Pickleball… Chaos on the Court

Two hours on the court.
Four different teammates (rotating like they’re escaping a crime scene).
Three paddles (because one of them had to unlock my “talent.”)

I was out there swinging like an octopus on espresso, sweating like a farm animal, and cussing like I owe the barn money.

Final result? Zero wins.

At that point I wasn’t playing pickleball, I was conducting a controlled experiment: How many things can change while I still don’t come in with a win? Answer: all of them.

But let’s be clear—I didn’t lose. I simply distributed confidence to others. You’re welcome.

Same time tomorrow. New paddle. New partners. Same audacity and will be crushing dreams.

04/23/2026

It’s National Movie Theater Day, which means humans are once again gathering in the dark to overpay for popcorn and pretend they’re not checking their phones every 6 minutes.

Meanwhile, I’ve been running a premium outdoor theater experience right here on this porch for FREE. The feature presentation?
“Neighbors Making Questionable Life Choices: A Documentary.”

No tickets. No lines. No one kicking your seat—just me, loudly critiquing everything like the award-winning critic I am.

And let’s be honest… the only real plot twist at your theater is how a small popcorn costs the same as a minor home renovation.

Stay home. Watch me. I’m louder, funnier, and I WILL judge your outfit during intermission.

That’s a wrap!

“Follow the page Porch Pecking with GG the GladAss Goose—where the gossip is hot, the attitude is hotter, and life choices are ALWAYS under review”

04/22/2026

Earth Day? Oh, I’m going green, darling… just not in the way you were hoping.

While you’re out there hugging trees and sorting your recycling like it’s a personality trait, I’ve committed to sustainability the only way that matters: I’ve become the lime in my own margarita. Fresh. Organic. Slightly toxic.

Reduce, reuse, refill.
My carbon footprint? Practically nonexistent after two of these.

Save the planet—but make it salty!

Follow Porch Pecking with GG the GladAss Goose—where the gossip is hot, the attitude is hotter, and your life choices are under review

04/21/2026

Listen up, honkers.
It’s World Creativity and Innovation Day, which is adorable… considering I’ve been the undisputed CEO of “Thinking Outside the Nest” since I first claimed this porch as sovereign territory.

You think it’s easy being a lawn ornament? It takes pure vision. I am being innovative and recreating myself every day! You think this level of iconic just happens? Please…

Today’s innovations, courtesy of yours truly:
1. Wind-Resistant Rain Slicker — aerodynamic, unapologetically pink, and frankly more stable than your last relationship.
2. Elite Multitasking — I can glare at the mailman and silently critique Karen’s tragic mulch choices simultaneously. Efficiency is a lifestyle.
3. Neighborhood Watch 2.0 — I’ve replaced honking with strategic silence. If I’m quiet, just know… I’ve seen everything.

And yes, I’m basically the Elon Musk of concrete waterfowl—just with better outfits, better instincts, and significantly less nonsense.

Innovation isn’t about gadgets. It’s about having the audacity to wear sequins in April just because it’s Tuesday and you can.

So go be “creative.” Paint something. Write something. Or stand perfectly still for twelve hours and let people project their insecurities onto you like a true professional. Go chase your dreams…. But follow my page first!

04/20/2026

Serendipity Day? Cute.

Y’all call it “happy accidents.”
I call it “things working out despite your poor decisions.”

If something good happens, I meant to do that.
If it doesn’t… obviously the universe is wrong.

“Follow the page Porch Pecking with GG the GladAss Goose—where the gossip is hot, the attitude is hotter, and life choices are under review”

04/19/2026

Finally, a holiday pairing for the socially selective. Today is both National Hanging Out Day and National Garlic Day, which is basically a formal invitation to be a public health hazard. What genius came up with that?!

Go ahead, "hang out"—but make sure you’ve eaten enough garlic to kill a Victorian orphan and ward off anyone with functioning nostrils. It’s the ultimate life hack: you get the credit for being social without the actual burden of people getting close to you. If they can’t handle your breath, they don’t deserve your vibe. Stay pungent.

04/18/2026

It is National Husband Appreciation Day, GG’s thoughts? "Whatever."

She’s a strong, independent porch goose who doesn’t need a man to validate her existence or tell her she’s "being a bit much today." She can take her own trash out, and she certainly doesn't need someone hogging the heating pad or questioning her Amazon Prime history.

That being said... while she’s perfectly capable of being her own boss, she wouldn't be entirely opposed to taking a gander at a handsome gander. If he’s tall, silent, and knows his place (which is three steps behind her), she might consider an audition. But let’s be real—he’d have to bring some serious cracker-wealth to the table to even get a glance.

Until then, she’ll be right here, appreciating the only person who truly deserves it: herself.

04/17/2026

Today is National Blah Blah Blah Day, which GG celebrates daily. Nothing special for her today! All she hears:
Blah blah blah… irrelevant… talk to the hand… where are my snacks…

She stares into the distance while I talk, like I’m background noise in a documentary titled Poor Decisions & Worse Opinions. Hmm… she might be on to something there…anyhow…

Don’t bother explaining your problems—she’s already filed them under “Blah Blah Blah,” right between the mailman’s feelings and my “budget” for her outfits.

04/16/2026

Oh, we’re wearing pajamas to the “office” today? National Wear Your Pajamas to Work Day, Groundbreaking. Cool, cool…

GG’s been quiet quitting this porch since 2022 and still outperforming you, but sure—welcome to Corporate Pajama Day.

This look says: “I’m cozy, but I will absolutely CC your manager and ruin your afternoon. That should give you goosebumps”

While you’re “circling back” in sweatpants, I’m running this porch with dictator-level efficiency and zero tolerance for your “touch base” energy.

My 9-to-5? Judging your lawn, ignoring your emails, and aggressively declining meetings that don’t involve snacks.

My 401k is 100% spite, my open door policy is a trap, and my current status is: OOO (Out of Oats).

Go ahead, Susan—update that spreadsheet. You’re already behind.

oh, and I am clocking out early to “recalibrate” at Xul Beer Company—try not to ruin anything while I’m gone.

Address

Knoxville, TN

Website

facebook.com

Alerts

Be the first to know and let us send you an email when Porch Pecking with GG - the GladAss Goose posts news and promotions. Your email address will not be used for any other purpose, and you can unsubscribe at any time.

Shortcuts

Want your business to be the top-listed Interior Service in Knoxville?