10/30/2026
October 30, 2026 β A Bittersweet Freedom β€οΈ
Today, I received my final divorce decree.
And just like that, a chapter of my life I never wanted to end was officially over.
I wish I could say I felt nothing but happiness. Instead, I feel an overwhelming mixture of relief, sadness, grief, and uncertainty.
I never wanted any of this.
I never wanted a divorce. I never wanted to lose the marriage I believed in or the beautiful home I poured my heart into creating.
But I am finally free from years of abuse, fear, and emotional turmoil. And for that, I am grateful.
Yet the ordeal isn't over.
Yesterday, another contract on our home fell through. Months of repairs, inspections, negotiations, and disappointments have left me emotionally and financially exhausted.
My business is closing. I have no employment income. I don't know when the house will sell or where I'll go next.
At 63, I never imagined starting over would look like this.
And today, I'm struggling with something difficult to admit.
I feel like God isn't hearing me.
I KNOW He's with me. I KNOW He's walking me through this. I KNOW His timing isn't mine.
But knowing those things doesn't make the silence easier.
I've prayed, cried, waited, and tried so hard to remain faithful and grateful.
Today, I'm simply tired.
Lord, I need You to do something BIG!
I need this house to sell. I need somewhere to call home. I need financial stability and peace.
I don't need extravagance. I just want a safe home, a garden, room to create, and mornings without another crisis.
I want to live again, not merely survive.
"How long, O Lord? Will You forget me forever?" β Psalm 13:1
Even David knew what it felt like to cry out and hear silence.
Today, I'm somewhere between heartbreak and hope, between freedom and uncertainty.
I'm grateful that my marriage is finally over, but I'm grieving the life I thought I would have.
This isn't a celebration. It's a bittersweet beginning.
Lord, I know You're there. I still believe.
But please, I need You to move.
Make a way where I cannot see one. β€οΈπ