06/06/2026
For a long time, there were a few thoughts constantly running through my mind. I had shared them with some of my favorite people and had them written down in my iPhone notes. I thought I’d share them here because I like to express myself.
Read it if you’d like. These are simply my feelings and observations. I’m not speaking against anyone, and I want to make that clear from the beginning. It’s also pretty long, so if you don’t read it, that’s okay too. These are just my thoughts.
From my notes...May 22, 2026
Growing up, I loved being part of a joint family. There was something special about everyone living together, sharing life, and always having people around. When I moved to America, I missed that feeling a lot. I often wished I could still have that same sense of togetherness.
One reason I've had certain relationships and connections—and missed out on others—is because I'm a very straightforward person. I can't act, and I can't be fake. If the vibe didn't match, I simply didn't force it. I've always tried to stay true to myself, and maybe that's why I never connected with everyone instantly.
But one thing I've always valued is real relationships, genuine connections, and people who accept me exactly as I am.
Whenever I connected with someone, I considered them my own. What I never stopped to think about was whether they saw me the same way. Maybe I should have. Life would probably have been a little easier.
Maybe people like me are just a little too naive. I always thought that if I loved people genuinely, they would love me back the same way. And if they hurt me? Well, I somehow believed my love would magically fix them and turn them into better humans. 😅
As time passed and I got older, the list of people in my life kept growing, and so did the lessons that came with them.
I've been hurt. A lot, actually. But even then, I still tried because I cared. If people showed me love and affection, I wanted to give some of that back. Believe me when I say this: not even 0.1% of the love and care I gave was fake.
I never needed to be around people for convenience, personal gain, or selfish reasons. I've never lacked people who love me, and if I ever reached out my hand, there would never be a shortage of people willing to hold it.
What I truly wanted was simple. I wanted the people who lived in my heart to love me, respect me, stay loyal, and be honest with me.
If I made mistakes, I wanted them to tell me directly instead of turning around and gossiping about me.
The problem with people like me is that we get attached too easily. No matter how much we try to act smart, the truth is we're pretty foolish when it comes to people. Maybe that's why we get hurt more than most.
My sister once told me:
"Ruhi apu, I feel sorry for you. You give your heart and soul to people who don't really deserve it, and in return, what you receive becomes the biggest joke of your life."
To be honest, she wasn't wrong.
It was completely unexpected. I wasn't prepared for it. But it's okay. I'm past that phase now, and I'm genuinely happy it's over. We're cool. I still adore them.
And honestly, Allah has returned so much to me—far more than I ever expected. Those blessings are my real treasures.
But one thing I've slowly learned is that love, care, and respect don't always come back from the same people you give them to.
For example, if you check on someone, send a text, or call first, somehow it becomes a story somewhere else:
"Oh, she texted me.""Oh, she called me.""I never call first, she's the one who does."
..and so on. LOL.
What people often fail to understand is that there's no hidden agenda behind it. No need. No benefit. Just genuine love and care.
And if you don't reach out? Then suddenly you're the one with the attitude. You don't care. You're acting different. Bla bla bla.
Because of all these unnecessary complications, sometimes I hesitate to show people I care at all. My care isn't always received as care. Sometimes it's received as a joke.
I know, I know...
So maybe I'm slowly learning that not everyone understands love, care, and respect the same way I do. And not everyone values them the same way either.
What else can I say?
Maybe that's just how the world works.
The way I saw life as a child was probably wrong. Sometimes it feels like the more you keep to yourself, stay quiet, stay blind to unnecessary things, and stay deaf to unnecessary noise, the more peace you have.
If you read all of this, thank you.
If you didn't... ✌️
