Botanisör Florist Launceston

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Botanisör Florist Launceston Local florist on the outskirts of the Launceston CBD cocooned in Miledge Lane.
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Ah, when life gives you lemons, be happy it wasn’t syphilis. At least you can make a G&T. After the US sided with Russia...
12/10/2026

Ah, when life gives you lemons, be happy it wasn’t syphilis. At least you can make a G&T.
After the US sided with Russia to buy their oil and abandoned Ukraine, Ukraine has given the ultimate hostess gift of democracy to the US. That’s right. And all it took was to bomb Russias Yandex data centres which will slow down their internet. Bot activity on social media has gone down 49%, enough to easily affect the US midterm elections. US citizens on social media will now see more accurate information instead of Russian misinformation and lies. Voters will now be able to vote based on reality. So, Readers Digest summary, Ukraine used bombs to give democracy to the US even though the US has unsuccessfully tried to bomb democracy into many countries in the past.
“Not all men”, yet enough for Law & Order SUV to make 25 years of story lines ripped from the newspapers . Which brings me to my fourth point, when the term ‘common whore’ is bandied around it implies there are also uncommon, rare and legendary ones as well.
Actually I have one rule for dating and I learnt it from a fisherman. If it’s smaller than six inches you throw it right back. It’s good to have a fishermans friend. He keeps promising me a pearl necklace but one never eventuates.
How many people believe that churches should use their tax free status to do more for the homeless and unhoused?
Almost getting snowed under with all the flowered arriving today. Heaps to choose from and good news, tulips should be back on Thursday. Will confirm Wednesday.
Have a great week and remember literally everyone is messed up, so pick your favourite train wreck and roll with it.

☎️ 6334 9187, 💻 www.botanisorflorist.com or 🎣🕕🌊 112 Cimitiere Street, Launceston.

I do hope you all had a productively relaxing day yesterday. We certainly had the weather for it. My treat was the smell...
09/10/2026

I do hope you all had a productively relaxing day yesterday. We certainly had the weather for it. My treat was the smell of line dried cotton sheets. Mmmmmmmm.
Ya know I was thinking if Thomas Edison hadn’t stolen Nikola Tesla’s idea for the electric light bulb we could all still be watching tv by candle light.
On learning today that Pete Hogsbreath wants to bring back public executions in the US, it reminded me of a great word. Cockwomble. A walking talking waste of oxygen who speaks with full confidence and no brain activity. A completely useless person. And in case you’re wondering, the last public one was on the 17th June 1939 in Versailles, France.
Now your freedom to believe something doesn’t mean everyone has to live by it. I believe I should have the right to use space lasers on drivers who do not use their indicators. Think yourself lucky. And never tell me to ‘forgive and forget’. I’m not God and I ain’t got alzheimers, so, no!
Also ladies, if he wants a traditional marriage… run. A traditional marriage means you can’t own property, have a bank account in your name or… work. I’m still not sure how that works for le****ns. I’m sure they would make it work. They are, from what I’ve seen, very ingenious. Or is that tenacious?
Anywho, chocolates arrived this morning, so fully stocked up on all the flavours. Loads of flowers. And the service ain’t half bad. Look forward to servicing you. Serving. Damn preemptive sexting. Texting!
Have a great weekend and remember being uncomfortable with someone’s identity doesn’t mean their identity is harming you.

☎️ 6334 9187, 💻 www.botanisorflorist.com or 🌺🍫🌹 112 Cimitiere Street, Launceston.

I’m going to say it. If you are bragging that your father worked twenty hours a day you are bragging about being raised ...
07/10/2026

I’m going to say it. If you are bragging that your father worked twenty hours a day you are bragging about being raised by someone who had boundary issues didn’t want to spend time with their children. I feel better now.
News just in. A bus full of tourists has crashed while heading to the former home of Elvis, Graceland. There are no reports of injuries but everyone is all shook up.
In culinary news the Golden Arches people are funding research into turning plastic bottles into cookies. Finally something of nutritional value on the menu. What happens to those little boxes of cookies they used to sell?
We will be closed tomorrow for the Show Day public holiday and open Friday and Saturday morning. As we head into summer there are more and more variety of flowers making their way into not the little shop. Like Queen Anne’s Lace. And next week may be your last chance to get waratahs.
I will spend tomorrow fixing the pair of jeans I made out of spiders webs. They are really comfortable but the fly keeps getting stuck.
Keep up the good work, have a great day off tomorrow and remember go out and see art that is made by people, who don’t look like you, who don’t think like you. It is the only way we will change the world, Reuben Kaye.

☎️ 6334 9187, 💻 www.botanisorflorist.com or 🎭🎨💃 112 Cimitiere Street, Launceston.

It’s a good start to the week when you arrive in the early morning and the front door is still locked. You now the old s...
05/10/2026

It’s a good start to the week when you arrive in the early morning and the front door is still locked. You now the old saying, a methhead doesn’t strike twice… in a month.
Although news over the weekend said little Red Riding Hood was in a bad accident and is in hospital in a critical condition. She has stabilised but is not out of the woods yet.
If a plane drops so low, so fast, where are the oxygen masks? Or how does one get an axe through security? A boogie board fine, an axe, really? I got stopped with insect repellent. Guess I should have hid it in an axe.
How many of us watched Bugs Bunny dress up as a woman then grew up to be gay? And how many of you have dropped an anvil on someone’s head?
He has a King Charles Spaniel, so called because it has big ears. She has a Prince Andrew Spaniel and it really needs to be neutered.
Amazon, the evil company not the life saving forest, is making its delivery drivers wear “smart glasses”. These will record your house, driveway, gate, children, pets… The vision will be kept in data centres. Also American police will have full access to all footage. There is no opt out and no time limit on how long the footage will be stored. Keep shopping Amazon because you’re on candid camera.
If you are afraid of escalators I have a very reasonably priced program that will give you steps to avoid them.
So many lovely flowers have arrived this morning and heads up Queen Anne’s Lace will arrive tomorrow. Thursday is a public holiday and we will be closed so get in n early to avoid disappointment.
Have a great week and remember to please neuter your pets, weird friends and family. Especially if they follow OneNation.

☎️ 6334 9187, 💻 www.botanisorflorist.com or 🤓📦🚐 112 Cimitiere Street, Launceston.

Yes we made it through the week. And sorry for no post Wednesday. It has taken all week to download apps, find passwords...
02/10/2026

Yes we made it through the week. And sorry for no post Wednesday. It has taken all week to download apps, find passwords so we can set up apps and change passwords. Then work out how to use the app. I’m technically overstimulated. Hopefully that’s punctuated correctly.
Daylight savings starts this weekend. Don’t trust me on which way it goes. As we all now have digital devices we don’t need to think about it. Is it automatic in WA and Queensland? Do they have to reverse the change? That would do my melon in. Does it change going over the border?
Can we normalise making rapists afraid of the consequences not women afraid to speak?
Look when your young people think you’re fun and eccentric but now they just think I’m mentally unstable.
I get how the C is silent in Scissors and the P is silent in Pterodactyl, while the S is silent in Island, but why are World Leaders silent in Genocide?
Shop full of flowers. The waratahs are still available and stunning. Gorgeous purple roses. So many favourites and all at good prices straight from the growers. Hope to see you soon. And if not we can deliver, phone or interweb us.
Have a great weekend and remember Fiesta, Siesta, Beach and Repeat.

☎️ 6334 9187, 💻 www.botanisorflorist.com or 🌸🌹🌻 112 Cimitiere Street, Launceston.

If any of our lovely Listeners were passing through the Tamar & Cimitiere Street intersection at about 3amish this morni...
28/09/2026

If any of our lovely Listeners were passing through the Tamar & Cimitiere Street intersection at about 3amish this morning and saw any suspicious persons dressed in black and could furnish the police with any information the the traders around here would be most grateful. There were several break ins or attempted break ins.
We were broken into and lost money, laptop, candles, tea, chocolates and a stunning black canvas shopping bag. We sill have one left in that size though. I suggest looking for a mellow relaxed lowlife with pimples who like mint chocolate tea.
Not as bad as the shop that lost 100,000 hard boiled eggs. Police are scrambling to crack that case. They say to smell out for a suspicious sulphur aroma.
It’s hard to underestimate people sometimes. I do hope their week is as pleasant as they are.
Although let me say when the apocalypse starts and we all have to turn to cannibalism, vegans will be the closest thing to free range antibiotic free grass fed meat. So if you currently survive on a diet of fast food, vegans will be the only thing you will be able to catch.
At least the weather is lovely.
Have a great week and remember the US is shutting down AI after it hacked into Medicare and learns about affordable healthcare. No really, they tried to get PBS and Aged Care data but failed.

☎️ 6334 9187, 💻 www.botanisorflorist.com or 💰💻🍫🕯️ 112 Cimitiere Street, Launceston.

It’s Dolly Day! Today is 9/25. If you write it backwards or American as it is more widely known.Now while that tune is p...
25/09/2026

It’s Dolly Day! Today is 9/25. If you write it backwards or American as it is more widely known.
Now while that tune is playing in your head, and you want to honour the lady, please donate at our local Imagination Library. It is Rosie’s Reading Tasmania . May her legacy live and our children lean the joys of reading. It’s win- win.
Speaking of successful women, in the 1600’s if a woman said “No”, they were called Witches. Later in the 1800’s, Unladylike and Hysterical in the 1900’s. Then in the 1950’s it became Emotional, and Frigid in the 70’s. The 90’s blossomed the Bitch, which morphed into Bossy in the 2010’s. In 2026 women who say “No”, are called Difficult. Girl… go give them every shade of Difficult they deserve. And then make some more up.
Speaking of difficult women… why do mElania tRump & kAitlyn jEnner look like sisters? Or at least they could stunt double for each other.
I was wondering if two immigration offences in America have a child would it be an ICE ICE Baby?
And if you believe that homeless people should “Just get a job”, that tells me a lot about you. YOU have never been without a permanent address, ID, refrigeration, food, electricity or heating. Human rights are not rewards for good behaviour. They belong to everyone.
On the florist front, a massive load of natives arrived this morning. Yes more waratah too. Almost having trouble keeping up with them. Enough to please everyone, but if natives are not your thing I have the best locally grown ranunculus or traditional roses.
Have a great weekend and remember in order to feel ashamed you must first do something wrong.

☎️ 6334 9187, 💻 www.botanisorflorist.com or 🕥🕠🕝 112 Cimitiere Street, Launceston.

I have found that life is much easier if one lowers their standards. I see this from observing others. Like the British ...
23/09/2026

I have found that life is much easier if one lowers their standards. I see this from observing others.
Like the British royal family putting Buck House up on AirB&B. Well the King & Queen live down the street. All was good till Harry & Megan booked it under their real names and no one noticed. At least we will know where they will be for a few weeks. So central. You see the Windsors are try to appeal to a younger audience, but not the Andrew kind. The ones who do selfies and don’t understand how much the royal family actually cost.
Saw a woman interviewed on the news, her name was Hellen Bach. I thought, she’s had a tough life.
Note: when asked to put sweet chilli sauce on the shopping list, be careful. The list is now sticky and attracting ants.
Keep up the good work and remember you’re not a nobody! You’re somebody who was underestimated by nobodies who think they are somebody. Keep going.

☎️ 6334 9187, 💻 www.botanisorflorist.com or 📋🌶️🐜 112 Cimitiere Street, Launceston.

This is your daily reminder that people suck and you’re going to get pi**ed off today. Do what you gotta do, just stay o...
21/09/2026

This is your daily reminder that people suck and you’re going to get pi**ed off today. Do what you gotta do, just stay out of gaol. Although it is better to be pi**ed off than pi**ed on, but no shade if that is your thing.
Hey Ed, like I tell my balls when I plan on wearing tight jeans, pick a lane and stay there. Your apology was weaker, wetter and as hard to listen to as your music.
Anne Frank 1929-1945, Hind Rajab 2018-2024. Never again means never again, for EVERYONE!
And can we stop looking at kindness and empathy as a weakness. If a child feels things deeply, cries at the sad parts, worries about the whole world or takes any hard words straight to heart, don’t tell them to toughen up, be a man. DON’T! A kind heart isn’t a weakness. That child will notice another sitting alone and go sit with them. Who will take care of the old, the sick, the vulnerable. There are too many thugs in this world. Don’t create another. A tender heart will heal.
In other news America has been designated the world’s largest Escape Room. Except the clues have been redacted.
When I say the waratah are stunning, I mean these. (Please see above. Or below. Depends which socials you are viewing this on). Get them soon, the season is short.
Have a great week and remember trans people living their lives does nothing negative to your life you cry baby bitch.

☎️ 6334 9187, 💻 www.botanisorflorist or 🕊️☮️⚓️ 112 Cimitiere Street, Launceston.

It’s Friyay and we are full or waratahs & banksias. Protea & strawflower too. As everyone is boycotting Ed Sheeran becau...
18/09/2026

It’s Friyay and we are full or waratahs & banksias. Protea & strawflower too.
As everyone is boycotting Ed Sheeran because he has less spine than Barnaby Joyce, I am proud to say I started boycotting him when I first heard his music.
Do you think the inventor of the Knock Knock joke ever got a Nobel Prize?
Isn’t it ironic that Mark Butler, Federal Disability Minister & Minister for the NDIS has an office in Port Adelaide that is inaccessible to people with disabilities. Especially wheelchair users. Unless they go down the back lane and hope the chair fits through the back door.
While in Australian politics Pooline’s daughter doesn’t like that schoolchildren are into politics while in America children don’t like that politicians are into them.
Look when the dentist said open up all I could say was that it was me who took Debra Smith’s pencil sharpener in Grade 2. Oh, mouth. Got you.
Pop on in to get the freshest of native flowers and gum too.
Have a great weekend and remember treat your body like a data centre and consume as much water and literature as possible. While upsetting the city council with your existence.

Address

Shop 5/112 Cimitiere Street
Launceston, TAS
7250

Opening Hours

Monday 8:30am - 5:30pm
Tuesday 8:30am - 5:30pm
Wednesday 8:30am - 5:30pm
Thursday 8:30am - 5:30pm
Friday 8:30am - 5:30pm
Saturday 8:30am - 1am

Telephone

+61363349187

Website

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