30/12/2025
Id like to start this post with a giant shout out to Donna and the crew from Everlasting Connections Mackay….. I’d like to thank you for all that you do and all that you are. For posting me flat out on your socials. Believing in my artwork and allowing me to display in the shop this past month. I appreciate the opportunity and I’m grateful I said yes 🩷🩷🫶🏽🫶🏽
But …..
The past few years. Possibly longer. I have faced many moments that almost broke me. And pushed me to value n listen to my intuition. Honouring my faith and self belief ••• I decided to remove my art from everlasting and stick to my plan I set earlier this year of having a Creative Boutique Art Studio/Shop at my house in Mackay.
When I originally planned this, I wanted my customers, their family and friends to step inside the world I emmerce myself in. Not only to see my little house but to connect with my artwork in a much deeper level. I was also planning a whole heap of creative workshops to teach anybody, any skill level. Any age. Any gender my creative skills and knowledge of creating something amazing from nothing. I wanted to share the rawness in me and the weird authentic fairy I truely am. I’ve never fit into a box and I’m defs not going to try now.
But in true Holly Eve style. I was given an assortment of traumas and moments I hope to never relive. I was pushed to the edge. Almost falling off several times Everytime I tried to gather myself and get back in my path. Some other hurdle got in my way. At times it was myself. Which is the hardest to overcome and admit in the first place. Lucky for me. Accountability came to the forefront in 2022. Forcing me to face my shadow self and really get to know myself. Why. How. Who. What. When. Being 100% honest with myself about myself. Not many get to be this way. Many push their shadows away. Pretend they aren’t there. But those are the ones who lie. Who don’t live in their truth. Who stay small and wonder why life always kicks them. Victims to their own pity. But when you can understand yourself and know that every moment is given for a reason. You begin to live different. See things people and situations differently. Set boundaries and really enforce them for yourself. It’s quite liberating. But it’s a long and hard process.
There are moments I wanted to give up. Moments I didn’t value myself. My life. Keep proving myself to people who were never meant to see my worth. Stay in places that drained me. People please coz I didn’t want to appear selfish or mean. But guess what. Being selfish isn’t selfish. It’s something necessary for growth and self expansion. But not in the sense you don’t do anything for anyone or don’t share ect. But in the way that I choose me before anyone or anything now. Just because I’m a friend. A lover. A mum. An anything. If that person place or thing doesn’t bring me happiness or fulfilment, I wish it well and I remove it. Some are harder then others and some I do find hard to let go but as the 40s have progressed to now 43 …. It’s getting easier. Mainly because I know that when that I make a decision and follow my intuition, a whole new world opens up and that brings its own little blessings and special things.
Today. Leaving the shop. Kinda felt like a break up. Like I packed all my things and left. But it wasn’t in anger or mistreatment. It was in the self belief that it wasn’t my path and not where my soul was aligned. My heart is in my boutique art space within my home. The museum of my artwork. The many small details and beautiful little treasures I mindfully place for a specific purpose. Room design or energy expander. The place where the greatest achievements and pure love often meet extreme sadness n utter despair. But there can’t be only light. Or only darkness. They co exist. Just like our own positive and negative experiences. I always thank the universe and god for giving me the traumas I’ve overcome because without them and without the vast knowledge I have on life and who I am. I wouldn’t be here and defs wouldn’t be the talented, kind, open, honest, funny, loving, creative, unique and forgiving women I have grown into. My need for authentic and genuine people often leads to friends or family leaving me and I joke that I will only have 5 people around me one day. But I will defs know those 5 people are 100% in my soul family and will have my back through anything. Just as I will for them and honestly. My life cannot accommodate for everyone or everything. I like small close circles. Easier to remember everyone’s names, birthdays, likes n dislikes haha 😜 nah but for reals. I can be 100% myself without judgement or any kind of yucky. That is worth everything to me.
The biggest challenge I have constantly faced is my children. My 5 amazing - smart - loving - special - amazing - beautiful and cute babies. 4 sons and 1 perfect little daughter. From my eldest son 23 to my youngest (which is my only daughter) 11 in March. I have battled their father for the chance to see them. Have them come live with me and be in their lives as much as I can humanly be - living away from my hometown Darwin in Mackay. It is a battle that has at times tipped me over the edge. I’ve been made to feel Useless. Unworthy. Unkind. Unloving and unfortunately a mother who packed up. Left the home. Left the babies. Left the town and moved to a different state. I was ostracised, abandoned and left to fight my battles on my own over n over. Not only by friends. But also family. My side was not heard. Not believed and dragged through the mud where I could no longer see the point in even telling it. Because … the only person that matters and needs to know my truth is me. And when that is felt. There is no need to hold grudges. Be angry or upset. So I forgive. I forgive myself too for speaking badly about myself to myself and believing those yucky things that were spoken to me. Told about me or thought of me. Coz if you are lucky to know the real me. You know I am full of love for everyone. ESPECIALLY my babies and when my 2nd born left again on the 12th of this month. I really decided I am no longer going to chase the need for them to come live with me. I knew they want to. I know they love me. They know I love them. But the constant pressure and stress it brings to mine and my kids lives is not worth it anymore. I will allow their father to hold them from me. Tell me I can only see them if I go to Darwin or sign some piece of paper stating I will send them back after they holiday here with me. To which I will not sign anything or allow him to control me or my life. Instead I will let him be who he is and create his own future with my innocent babies. If I’m that bad that he thinks it’s best they don’t spend time with me and have the opportunity to grow with me - so be it.
God gave me this time to focus on myself and build something I can one day leave to my kids. A legacy they will never have to live through what I have and be able to set themselves up after i leave this earth - which won’t be until I’m at least 102… so I’m around for a long time. Coz what I have is special and when I finally have the space to fully align with myself and my purpose. Only then will the ones who thought they were keeping me down will realise all it did was make me even stronger and more confident within my own weird lil fairy self. So to them. Thank you 🙏🏽
So 2025 • you were the most yucky, hurtful, traumatic and hardest year of all and although you bought many beautiful moments • people • things and blessings • the most you did was break me so hard I could have ended everything or be my best cheerleader and build that motherfkng bridge so strong it will never ever break as hard again. Yeah there will be splits and bits torn off here n there but the main thing I will keep and treasure is my faith in myself. My strength to be the one to beem myself back up when no one else did, would or could. I love the person I am. I live in peace. In forgiveness and gratitude. I can also stop and appreciate the smallest things and know that while ever I am living in my authentic self, the universe will always give me exactly what it has for me. Nothing that is not meant for me will stay with me and I am protected and loved by all my spirit guides. To all the beautiful people in my life as of this day 30 December 2025. Whether you’ve been here for a season, a reason or a lifetime. I love you. I am grateful to know you and I hope and wish every part of happiness and 2026 blessings for you. You allow me to be my weird self and you embrace all my quirks and laugh at all my jokes. You’re the best and you shine your light bright coz you’re not afraid to be your true self. Bless ###
My 5 incredible babies. I love you. To the end of the world. You are the main star in my thoughts. My heart. My conversations and one day we will be together to share all that we can’t right now. I am always here for you. I am always in your corner. I will always believe in you and I will never give up on you. I just am not there in my physical self but that doesn’t mean I’m not in your souls. I know you’re hurting. I am too. But this is our test. Our own time to show how close and connected we are. Never stop believing or sending happy n loving thoughts to me. Because all those moments when you sit still. You will hear me tell you how amazing and smart and kind you are and being your mum is the single most beautiful thing I will ever have the pleasure of being. We all have a special gift and purpose to offer this world. Stay strong for each other and for me. Be yourself. Don’t allow anyone to change what you think and know that you are perfect just as you are. I am here anytime on the phone for anything you ever want or need to talk about. I love you without conditions and everything is exactly as it’s meant to be. Find your creative selves and you will feel that connection to me again if you may have lost it a little. My heart is full with you all. Thank you for being my kids. I love you with everything I have. Forever and ever 🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷
