01/26/2022
A STORY BY MERF THE CAT
Merf's 'Cat Chat & Stuff' facebook Shenanigans
"Hi"
"I'm a cat and I'm cute!"
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So, here's the deal, I am a cat named Merf Allen and I am cute. As a kitten I was found living under a church by this guy who is now my person!
As a cat I do cat stuff. For example sometimes I will stare at a spot on the wall, for hours. Other times I will rearrange the furniture in my person's apartment, as I seek feng shui perfection. This freaks him out when I do it, eh but what can yah do, I'm a cat and I am cute!
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Ok, so it probably looks like being a cat is a swell gig. For the most part yah, but it can be darn stressful at times. For example, being cute takes concentration. And my attention span is about as long as, oh look there's my belly button.
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Speaking of my person, I guess he is ok. I call him Meh. It sounds like others of his kind refer to him as Hal or Harold or Fred. I even heard one of his kind call him Buck w**d or Buckwheat or something like that. I don't know, he just looks like a Meh to me and it's easier for me to remember, yah Meh, Meeeehhhhhh. Doesn't he look like a Meh to you!
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So as cute as I am and as much of a handle I got on things around here, me and Meh got a problem brewing. It's called competition, and I don't like it. You see in my social circle it's gotten around how much of a dooffy sweet heart of a nice guy/person Meh is. He can't say no to me. And now I got to deal with Pinch Face competition!
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Yep, Pinch Face... cute and friendly Pinch Face. Just sitting there outside the door, hoping Meh will open it and let her in, no freeaaaken way man! Here's the deal, she is always hungry. So, she is always going around the neighborhood, door to door begging for food. All the persons love her and they all say the same thing, “…oh she is so gentle, isn’t she cute. So much personality for such a little critter”. Critter is right, like the kind I leave half buried in the corner of my bathroom. "Although they be little, they too have much personality", Shakespear. OOOooh just thinking about her stresses me out, it's a good thing Meh has his hands full with me... wait a minute, no no, don't you, don't you do it, close that, I, you... ahhhhhAAAAhh! Meh just opened the door and let her in.
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Yah, I got a problem!
So I guess Pinch Face moved in, and now I have to share my bathroom with her. There are some things that are just sacred to a cat. Ok, I can deal with this, I'll think of something. I know, I'll sell Meh's furniture when he's not here. No, no this is better, I'll drag his bed sheets into my bathroom
and blame it on Pinch Face. Yep, I got this. It's not like I got anything else to worry about with this situation, right, how could it get any worse for me?
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Aahh COME ON!___________________________________________________________________________
So, it looks like I will be staying up here for a little while longer!
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Here's what's up. As I said earlier, “I’m cute” and that’s my thing. I don’t need competition. Let me put this into context. If Meh wants to be one of those crazies, (you know the type who doesn’t go out on dates and lives alone with 10 or 12 cats), then he better make sure that there is no one else on his street that is already doing that kind of crazy. Otherwise that person might feel like Meh is encroaching on their territory, competing for their crown if you will, to take over and be known as the new crazy person on the block. Come on man, not all crazy persons have a knack for being naturally crazy. Some have to work at it. Just like some of us who are cute had to work at that albeit not that hard but still it’s what I do, it's my job, and I don’t want to lose it to a bunch of freshly popped out competitive upstarts like the following.
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Competitive upstart #1 aka Poopy Butt Face, yah that's him, little creeparoo all fresh and shiney...
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Competitive upstart #2 aka Barfy Barf, no job, slacker...
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Competitive upstart #3 aka Squishy, Barfy Barf's little sister, WAKE UP!
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Competitive upstart #4 aka Skid Mark, oh what's that, you wanna go, you want a piece of me...
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Competitive upstart #5 aka Diaper Rash, I get my pot from this guy...
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Competitive upstart #6 aka Little Gassy Jacky, little fart music maker,
how am I supposed to compete with this?
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So as you can see, I need your help finding homes, other persons homes that are somewhere else, for each of these cute little kittens.
Please think of me and how much happier I will be knowing that all of this competition is somewhere else. And not here! Please help me get rid of, I mean please help Meh find somewhere for these little kittens to go... cause 'Kittens Got to Go!'
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I would like to appeal to the broader San Bernardino community of cat people and humane animal lovers for help with these 6 little kittens currently being cared for by Merf's person Meh.
(They were born 01/10/22 and are very cute. They love being held, and are gently handled in the afternoons by a small group of children who are participating in an after school program in the City of San Bernardino.)
For now they are getting used to what love is, and as they grow into adult cats they will be very loving companions for a lonely person who could use a feline friend.
My name is Harold, 'Merf thinks my name is Meh'. I live at the church and I am already caring for several stray cats here at the church, if you can help by adopting one of these 6 newly born kittens, or can help by providing me with other options or information, I can be reached at 714.244.2678
(please text me, I don't always answer unknown phone numbers) I can also be reached by email [email protected].
Thank you, and like Merf says
"Kittens Got To Go!"
