13/06/2026
Saturdays reflections - opening the heart through pain 🖤
I don’t often talk about my shamanic journey, and maybe that’s why I am sometimes misunderstood or judged when people see my work here. Many assume I am simply an artist. But behind that is a soul that has lived through deep darkness — facing death on multiple occasions, carrying the heavy burden of trauma within the body, daily chronic pain, struggling with s u i c i d a l thoughts, and enduring severe depression for around six years.
At one point, I travelled to the Amazon jungle to confront my inner demons, releasing trauma and pain as part of what felt like an initiation into a spiritual path I can only describe as shamanic in nature. I know the word “shamanism” can carry stigma, and I don’t use it lightly, but I often struggle to find another way to describe how I live and experience the world.
Three years ago, I experienced what I can only describe as a shamanic dismemberment during an astral experience in sleep — a symbolic breaking apart and rebirth that changed how I understand reality. I don’t often speak about these things, but I do journey deeply through dreams and inner states. I feel energy intensely, which is why I often need solitude or time in nature to stay grounded.
I am slowly stepping out of hermit mode to share more of my story, not to be defined by pain, but to acknowledge it. My hope is that it helps others understand the depth of what I have lived through, and why I now hold space for others with compassion.
If you or someone you know is struggling with dark thoughts, I want to say I am here in heart and spirit. I have been in that darkness, and I know how hard it is. But it is possible to move forward by focusing only on today — not the past, not the future. Just today, and one small thing that brings you a little peace. For me, that place is nature.
Deepest love
Photo credit to amazing Jake NorthWest Photography | Jake Gilbert
