15/05/2026
The girl in the second photo had just placed a flower crown on her head and a smile on her face to celebrate her friend’s wedding festival - two weeks before that she had attempted to leave this planet for the first time.
She only knew big feelings, nothing in between… life was either for having fun and being the life and soul of every aspect or was for hiding away in a pit of despair.
In all situations she was quietly screaming inside and desperate to find a way to make it stop.
She was desperately sad. All of the time.
At that point she probably dreamed of a more “polished” life than what transpired, but she also didn’t know that no life is truly polished and that the messiness, chaos and constantly living with dirt under her nails and children at her feet was the place she would find peace.
She didn’t know, and wouldn’t learn for a while, that joy was possible. That success and happiness weren’t linear and that neither depended on the other. That neither defined her worth. That she actually could and would make it through the next decade (and a bit) of life despite everything that was thrown in her way.
She would also have hated to know that life gets better but that doesn’t necessarily mean your demons disappear for good. They will come back to surprise you every now and again and you just have to hope the tools you’ve learned are enough to fight them. But fight them she will!
I am so proud of her.
I am so proud of everyone who has ever felt this fight.
Proud of the ones who didn’t win, proud of the ones who did.
Proud of the ones who still fight the fight to stay every single day.
Proud of the ones who should still be here and tried so hard to be.
Proud of the people who support others through the fight.
And proud of those who are navigating life after a loved one lost the fight.
We all have mental health, for some it’s healthy for others it isn’t and for some it is far more complex than even the most educated psychiatrists could understand but we all have it.
Once upon a time I wrote under the name “silence does nothing” and for me I truly believe that, staying quiet and keeping my struggles to myself never ever helped… I still find it hard but speaking about these things, to whoever feels right at the time has transformed my life and also saved it on multiple occasions.
If you don’t feel like you know where to start with getting help the Samaritans are incredible and offer 24/7 support
https://www.samaritans.org/how-we-can-help/contact-samaritan/
It’s been a while since I shared one of these but for mental health awareness month I thought I would, hopefully it reaches the right people who need it.. but if it doesn’t, at least you all got to have more of a nosey into my backstory and maybe when you do need it you will remember it.
