15/03/2026
The ides of March, one year later. I still remember that day so vividly — the fear, the uncertainty, the ravishing hunger that made me just want to get it all over with by the time I went into the operating theatre around 5pm. The absolute bliss when I woke up in the recovery room, because morphine is a hell of a drug. The salmon and sticky toffee pudding that had been sitting in my hospital room for 5 hours but I ate it anyway and it was amazing!
I credit my active lifestyle for helping me have a relatively smooth and quick recovery, but the first few days were rough. Even when I slowly resumed normal life and went back to Etsy order packing, paint-making, walking, and trips to the theatre, there was always this awareness that I had two foreign objects inside my body. There was always a voice in my head wondering when I would feel normal again. But that’s the crazy thing about recovery. You’re constantly aware of the pain, the soreness, the weirdness of it all, until one day you’re not. Every day gets a little better until one day you’re struggling to bench press and you realize it’s because you have weak upper body strength, not because of the foreign objects under your skin. Those are just part of you now. Your new normal.
Removing all my healthy breast tissue to reduce my genetic high risk of breast cancer is one of the craziest things I’ve ever done. The finality of my decision scared me, and still does. Even though I am firm in my decision to remain childfree, I will never breastfeed. Social media seems to be obsessed with breast implant illness, but explant isn’t an option for me, there’s no going back to my “before.” But I’m happy with my “new normal.” The before me would never have booked a bo***ir shoot, worn an unpadded swimsuit, or a backless dress. Before me couldn’t even do a push up! The after me is getting stronger every day. 💪
Now that it’s been a year, I can no longer use “I recently had surgery” as an excuse to do things (like shop or eat treats) or not do things (like carry my own overweight luggage). Then again my foobsiversary is May 2, so maybe I still have a couple months of that 😉
🎨: Regents Park
