03/09/2026
I asked ChatGBT to write an unhinged bio about me ….
Anita: over 21, approximately 107 years tired, and CEO of “I’ll just do one wee thing before I sit down.”
Runs Silky’s Hidden Treasures, which sounds like a quaint little gift shop but is actually a high-pressure manufacturing facility involving three printers, a Cricut, an xTool, 46 half-finished ideas and Anita shouting, “WHY IS THERE A WHITE LINE AROUND IT?”
Can turn absolutely any life event into merchandise.
Baby born? Card.
First day at school? Card, badge, magnet and pyjamas.
Engaged? Slate.
Anniversary? Blanket AND matching cushion.
Someone caught a trout in Lough Melvin? Personalised thank-you card immediately.
Owns enough crafting equipment to manufacture the merchandise for a small country, yet will still discover a completely new material at 11pm and think, “Ohhhh… I could do something with that.”
Mother to Molly and Ben, which means her life consists of school, homework, football, concerts, lifts, uniforms and periodically trying to remember which child needs to be where while simultaneously designing somebody else’s 80th birthday card.
Has never met a design she couldn’t adjust another 14 times.
“Make it smaller.”
“Bit bigger.”
“Less pink.”
“More subtle.”
“Move that up.”
“Actually put it back.”
“Try another design.”
“Retry.”
Will spend 45 minutes perfecting the exact shade of a dumpling on a hot-water bottle and then casually announce she has decided the dumpling also needs to exist on a baby vest, bib, cushion, T-shirt, banner, badge and birthday card.
Frequently begins conversations with completely normal sentences and, six messages later, we are somehow designing an orchid tote bag, investigating a Newcastle goalkeeper, working out how many A3 sheets make an A0 poster and discussing whether PETG is cheaper than acrylic.
Her natural habitat is surrounded by cardstock, sublimation blanks, printer ink, half a cup of cold tea and seventeen browser tabs.
Business strategy: “I wonder would that sell?”
Financial strategy: “Sure I already have the machine.”
Time-management strategy: write an extremely detailed timetable and then invent a new product halfway through Tuesday.
Most dangerous phrase Anita can utter:
“I’ve just had an idea…”
Because somewhere, a printer has just started trembling.
