01/08/2024
I will forever share all that God has done...18 years free!!!!
18 years ago, one decision changed my life forever. I would have never believed just how far, ONE decision, would have a "ripple-effect" into the lives of so many.
That morning I had no one but myself in mind. After several days of being awake, I wanted to rush through the daily motions of getting my children out the door to the bus so that I could be free to get high...AGAIN.
I give myself way too much credit in that statement before. I did nothing to get my children ready for school each morning. At 11 & 12 years old, they did EVERYTHING themselves. I was just physically present.
EVERY day of my addiction, before this one, was a blur. Any REAL memories were caught in a picture that I would end up looking back on later.
BUT THIS DAY? This day would turn out to be the scariest but most freeing day of our lives and I remember EVERY detail.
My son & daughter rushed around, fixing breakfast, getting dressed and making sure I signed all the "school stuff". They had the radio on. It was music that I have never listened to. But they liked it and it had them moving, so that was good for me.
When it was time for them to leave, my heart started racing. I was anxious to be alone. They hugged me, went out the kitchen door into the darkness and made their way to the bus stop. My heart was beating so loud in my ears. I was free to go get my "fix" BUT I couldn't move. I was paralyzed.
In that moment, it felt like time stopped. I saw my children's faces like I hadn't in years. They were laughing and playing around with each other. Why? How? How could they be HAPPY. Their lives were a living hell and I was the reason. They deserved so much more.
And then it happened...I heard the words of the song playing...
"She is running
A hundred miles an hour
In the wrong direction
She is trying
But the canyon's ever-widening
In the depths of her cold heart
So she sets out on another misadventure just to find
She's another two years older and she's three more steps behind
Does anybody hear her?
Can anybody see?
Or does anybody even know she's going down today?"
Before I realized what was happening, I was face down in my kitchen floor. Crying. And I mean, ugly crying. Something had to change. I had no idea how.
You know that scripture...Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.'?
Well, it's true.
As a child, I was raised in church. My grandparents took us and their prayers, along with the desperate cries & prayers of my Mother and Father, were answered that day.
I screamed at their God! I begged Him to prove that he was REAL. And if He was, then take this desire to get high away.
And, 18 years later...He continues to prove Himself.
Today, I understand what it means to live the "abundant life" that ONLY God can give. I know what it means to heal, REALLY heal, from past hurt, pain * trauma. I AM A WELL WOMAN!!!!
If you want to know more, I'd LOVE to share with you. If YOU want to experience this freedom, this abundant life? I would LOVE to introduce you to my JESUS.