08/06/2026
Content Warning: This post discusses depression, anxiety, suicidal thoughts, and other mental health struggles. Please protect your peace and read only if you feel emotionally able to do so.
The recent events involving Perez Hilton have sparked a great deal of conversation surrounding mental health. While I sincerely hope he receives the care, support, and privacy he needs, these conversations should not only happen when someone well known publicly reaches a breaking point.
Mental illness often hides quietly behind closed doors, completely unnoticed by the people around us. No one can truly understand everything another person is going through. They do not see the mornings when simply knowing you have to face another day feels like torture. They do not hear the noise at night, the anxiety, or the negative thoughts that refuse to quiet down.
For me, one of the hardest parts is the pressure to be okay for everyone else.
Life does not stop because you are struggling. Work continues. The people you love still rely on you. Responsibilities and chores do not simply disappear. When depression takes over, those things can begin to fall behind, creating an overwhelming mountain of additional anxiety, guilt, shame, and pressure.
There is a constant pressure to appear okay. You worry that your emotions are affecting the people around you. You feel as though you have to keep functioning, act normally, and convince everyone that everything is fine while feeling completely lost and anxious inside.
Most people in my life have no idea about my personal struggles. They do not see the daily anxiety, stress, overwhelming shame, and depression.
What many people do not see is the amount of work that can go into simply staying well enough to keep moving forward. For me, that includes therapy, medication, support from the people I love, and daily efforts to manage my mental health. Needing that help is not a weakness. It is part of taking care of myself and continuing to heal.
People also do not understand the frightening awareness that your own mind can sometimes feel like your enemy. They rarely think about what it means to recognize that you are not okay and that your immediate surroundings may need to be made safe. They do not realize what it is like to need protection from your own thoughts while trying to find enough strength to begin healing.
I am incredibly grateful to have a partner whom I can simply look at and say, “I am not okay. I need to be safe.”
He does not interrogate me, shame me, or make me feel guilty. He quietly takes action to make the place we call home safe for me. He gives me the space and support I need to focus on healing and caring for my mental health.
He has never made me feel ashamed or guilty for my struggles, even though I can see and feel that they take a toll on him too. That kind of love, patience, and support is something I will never take for granted.
I am also deeply grateful for my mother. She has been a source of love, comfort, and support throughout my life and during some of my most difficult moments. She listens, checks on me, worries about me, and reminds me that I do not have to carry everything alone. Her presence has helped me through days when I did not know how I was going to continue moving forward.
Having people who love you does not make the struggle disappear, but it can make the darkness feel less isolating. Sometimes their support is the reminder you need that there is still something worth holding on to, even when you cannot see it for yourself.
Mental health struggles are nothing new to me. They are something I have battled throughout my life.
After an attempt on my own life in my early twenties, I made it a point to better understand mental health and advocate for others who may be experiencing similar struggles. I wanted to understand how pain could become so overwhelming, how a person could reach that point, and how I could use my experience to help others feel less alone.
That experience is also why I know things can improve. It is why I know life can become lighter again. Things do get better, even when your mind is telling you they never will. Healing may not happen quickly, easily, or in a straight line, but healing is possible.
There are still moments when I feel hopeless. There are moments when I convince myself that things will not be okay and that life will never feel the way it once did. During those moments, I try to remember that I have experienced this pain before and survived it. I remind myself that feelings can be incredibly powerful without being permanent.
Over the years, I have gained knowledge and a deeper understanding of mental illness. Sometimes, though, I think that awareness makes my anxiety worse because I understand the impact my struggles can have on the people around me.
You know that you have to keep going for the people who love you. You understand that your absence would devastate their lives and change their entire world. But one of the most painful parts of that realization is recognizing that, in those moments, you are continuing for everyone else because you are not yet able to care enough about yourself.
I know that I am not currently the person I once was. I am fully aware of that. I know I have fallen behind, disappointed people, and let others down. Those realizations can feel suffocating when you are already battling your own mind.
My responsibilities have not been forgotten. They have simply been placed on pause while I use the energy I have to make it through each day, seek help, and become well enough to carry them again. Healing requires strength, even when it may look from the outside as though nothing is being done.
I am not sharing this to avoid responsibility or ask anyone to excuse everything. I am sharing it because mental illness is complicated. It is painful, exhausting, and often invisible.
To the people who have shown me grace, patience, understanding, and kindness, thank you. Thank you for continuing to support me as I work to heal and focus on my mental health. Your compassion has meant more than I could ever fully explain.
I wish more people approached mental health struggles with compassion, understanding, patience, and grace.
To those who have given me grief, felt that my struggles complicated their lives, or did not offer me compassion or grace, I sincerely pray that if you ever find yourself fighting a similar battle, the people around you show you more care, kindness, patience, and understanding than you were able to show me.
To anyone who is struggling, I want you to know that it is okay to struggle. It is okay to feel the emotions you are feeling. It is okay not to have everything figured out.
But please, please, please do not go through it alone.
If you are experiencing overwhelming emotions, anxiety, impulsive thoughts or actions, or urges to hurt yourself, please tell someone. Reach out to your partner, a family member, a therapist, a doctor, or anyone you trust. Sometimes the most important words you can say are, “I am not okay, and I need help staying safe.”
No matter who you are or what you are going through, please know that you have at least one person in your corner. I am on your team. I am on your side. If you need someone to listen without judgment or remind you that your life still matters, you can reach out to me.
You are not alone, even when your mind is telling you that you are.
The people who truly care about you will be there for you. Eventually, little by little, you may begin caring enough to be there for yourself too. It may feel impossible right now, but that does not mean it will always feel that way.
I am living proof that a moment of hopelessness does not have to become the end of your story.
Sometimes, the person who appears to be falling behind is using every bit of strength they have simply to survive the day.
If you are in the United States and experiencing a suicidal crisis or emotional distress, call or text 988, or visit the 988 Su***de & Crisis Lifeline online chat. You deserve help, support, and the opportunity to see that things can get better.
