Brigs Story

10/09/2026

As I sit with my demons my soul must reveal some secrets.
You know the man who did the most evil deeds to me besides the first man to ever r**e me? That man was supposed to be my love forever. My one and only. I was his wife, the mother to his children, the one who did it all for him.
And when I say did it all, I mean that. Through his treatment of me, I learned to feel invisible, like property, like a slave. That man left me at a same day surgery check in because I asked him to not take a patient chair. That man traded me to his coke dealer on multiple occasions for a bag. There was verbal and physical abuse as well. But nothing would hurt more than him giving permission to another man to sleep with me so he could be high. Or sending me to drive his "friend" to Mass about every week to pick up drugs. Then the times he would tell me to go visit his friend to deliver b**r knowing full well said friend was drunk already and needed someone to f**k. It was a pretty messed up way to live.

10/05/2026

So...story time as we go about life learning more about the r**e culture we actually live in....
1995, 1996...partying on the weekends at a friend's house. Always having a good time. I never have been a heavy drinker but I would drink and help everyone when they were drunk. Now the friends house we hung around at was always a party house on the weekends with a range of ages all around.
We played cards, we hung out, we sang, we drank. We had fun. Mom always made breakfast the next morning for those of us who stayed.
At the time it was what we all felt was cool. Looking back, there were people who were taking advantage. I know I was taken for several rides that ended up in a situation where I was propositioned, well really given two choices...give it up or walk. Or give him what he wanted or not get the bottle he was getting at the store.
And to this day, I held that man's name and deeds to myself. You see, when you grow up too fast because of awful things done to you when you were too young to comprehend you tend to blame yourself and think that this is the best you deserve. And then it becomes "He's a decent guy with a good life now. I can't be the reason he loses that."
My list is long and the stories many. And some day maybe I will write it all down. Some day I may decide to name them. But for now, I hold their misdeeds only in my head.

05/20/2025

The list of inappropriate things that have been done to me by men in my life BEFORE I was 17 is so long and full of names...how do you speak the truth without hurting those close to you because they have an image of one of them (or several) that is not tarnished by the evil side you got to see?

05/04/2025

https://www.facebook.com/share/r/1Afov917vk/

04/24/2025

Anyone else's father throw their mother out the door and off the porch into the snow, while tripping balls, accusing her of cheating and tell her to never come back? No? Go figure...

04/24/2025

04/15/2025

Story time...
Four years old, not in school yet. Sharing a bunkbed in a trailer. Sister fell off one night and never even woke up. Even though she was younger, she insisted on sleeping on the top bunk.
It was the back bedroom in the main part of the "house". Walk from there down the hall to the bathroom on the right. Across from the bathroom was the door to the parents room (actually used to be one of the doors to the outside but a full length addition was added to the two bedroom trailer). I can still vividly see that window in that door, you know the ones that you cranked open and it tilted out in two places and was rough and tinted this weird orange so you had a semblance of privacy.
We rarely had a sitter as most often my parents hosted the party. But one of those rare occasions where we did have a sitter is the night my world was shaped.
Needed to go p*e. Weird noises from the parents bedroom. Window was cracked so I could see the TV in there. Naked people on the TV making all sorts of moaning noises. Step away from the door and the floor creaked. He opened the door and had me come in the room. He placed my hands on his crotch and showed me how to touch it. "Let's do what they are doing." Pointing to the TV. I will spare the details, as some things don't need to be recounted. "It will be our special secret."
4 years later at my grandparents and I caught him in a spot where no one else was around. "It's still our secret." the words I spoke to him. "I haven't told anyone. And I won't. " He just said "Good." And went about his business.
It's not like I wasn't faced with this person on a regular basis in those in-between years. His mom and sister babysat me quite often. And he worked on the farm when it was still active. Even throwing hay when needed.

04/15/2025

You know that some people keep secrets forever. And some can't keep a secret for 2 minutes.
Some secrets are meant to be kept and others should see the light of day immediately. Unfortunately, usually the ones that shouldn't be kept are the ones that are hidden in very dark corners, far from the public.

04/11/2025

Whats your earliest childhood memory? For me the first vision that pops in my head is seeing my dad physically throwing my mom off the porch of our trailer into the snow when he decided to throw her out of the house. And so began the downward spiral of their parenting to us as a split family.
The scientists will tell you that we block out the details of the worst parts of our lives. Well I can tell you that my brain has blocked out a lot of the details after such traumas. I can say I remember mom trying to pick us up at school and it being an issue. I can remember visiting mom at Grams house where she stayed for a while after the split. I do remember that dad was given custody of us. I do remember moving in to Gram and Gramps across the road. I don't remember a lot of happy times during those early years.
See, drugs were a connection between my parents AND their friends. Years later, I can tell you that those Saturday night pizza parties were fueled by alcohol, shrooms, ma*****na, cocaine...probably acid and who knows what else. I never felt as if I was in danger, it was the weekly party with the parents friends. Looking back, probably not the best situations to be in but I lived just fine. The only real issue I ever can pinpoint to this particular lifestyle that was when dad threw mom out. See he was on mushrooms and decided that my mom was cheating.

04/02/2025

I sit back and think about the life I have lived and the life I am living. Regrets, happiness, sadness, survival, perseverance, defeat...but never give up. You see I am not perfect but I definitely have not let my traumas lead me to be bitter or a piece of s**t, a drunk, an addict...I guess that all of life's s**t it has handed to me keeps me the empath, the listener, the healer, the mother...
You see, when I was 4 I was sexually assaulted. When I was 5, my world was turned upside down because of the toxic, abusive relationship between my parents. When I was 10, I pi**ed off my father and was kicked out. This was also the year my brother came in to the world. At 14 another sibling. Hormones, changes...at 16 moving in with a 36 year old. At 16 an abortion. At 17 marriage...
But I don't seek pity. I don't seek answers. I can neither justify or condemn the actions of others, that is for other powers to do.
I hope through this page to give others the power to heal themselves, tell their stories and give a place of no judgement.