06/01/2026
On May 16th, 2026 I lost one of my favorite people in my life. My beloved grandfather, John Hugh, who was not always everyone's cup of tea but who my world revolved around.
Ive been on the road for a month so I haven't had time to properly grieve, if I let myself think about the loss I wouldn't have been able to carry on. So ive spent this May trying to enjoy what I can and pushing through until I could get back home to spend time with my grandmother and the loss. Everything has had a dull feeling behind it since he passed, a dreadful looming cloud of grief, worry, longing and love with nowhere to go.
I spent this past weekend with my grandmother, combing through photos, clutching on to his flannel shirts, listening to stories I remember and ones I haven't heard, recalling their 66 years of marriage and finally allowing myself to realize he is actually gone. What an empty realization it is.
On one hand I am selfish and I wish I could have him back, to spend more time with him in his garden, to share scary stories with each other and to build things together. But on the other I am relieved he is no longer suffering and no longer confined to a bed and a room which he could not escape from. He was always active in life and watching him be bedridden and slowly deteriorating over several years was a hell I would not wish on anyone.
He was an extraordinary engineer, a vivid storyteller, an expert craftsman, a hunter, a witty smartass, a teacher and a provider. He began his life in a repurposed boxcar in Denver Harbor with one outfit and minimal food and ended it in a beautiful home surrounded by generations of his love and hard work. I am glad he passed at home, peacefully, exactly where he would have wanted to be. I only wish I could have been there for him in his final moments.
I wish there was a way to quickly sum up just how much I love him and the person he's helped me become but there isnt. So I will quietly live my life with him in mind and see signs of his presence in everywhere I go.
