On Purpose Ever After

10/04/2024

Keep doing the things that love does and you will keep feeling the way love feels.

What a blessing it is to grow old alongside the one you love. There is no love more beautiful than that tempered by grace through trial and time.

Your marriage is your legacy, and it's important to keep that in view.

May the only thing that grows old in your marriage be the two of you. May every other aspect of your relationship grow newer each day.

Stay fierce,
- Ryan & Selena

09/14/2024

Great advice!! Don’t shut down the lives of communication when things get tough. Keep at it!!

Communication is a skill we must learn to do very well, especially in marriage. When we communicate well, we are able to clear our relationship of debris that builds up as we go about life. This "debris" could be hurts, frustrations, and anything else that makes us feel disconnected from each other.

It may sound simple, but real communication takes intentionality and determination. Here are a few ways to keep communicating well.

1) Less screen time.
Screens fill our worlds with "noise" that, most of the time, adds little real value to life. Turn them off and have a conversation instead.

2) Ask open-ended, meaningful questions.
Take a real interest in what your spouse thinks by asking them. Don't be surprised if you learn something new.

3) Respond thoughtfully.
Too many times we respond to questions with knee-jerk reactions. Take time to process and articulate what you really think; don't settle for the easier response. This will enliven and enrich your communication.

Of course, this list is far from exhaustive. The key thing to remember is to keep the conversation going.

If you feel like your communication is lacking, be patient! It takes time to learn these skills together.

Stay fierce,
Ryan & Selena

09/14/2024

Praying daily for your spouse may help them but will definitely change your heart towards them. Try it for a few weeks and report back!

Do you pray for/with your spouse?

06/11/2024

Communicate intentionally!!

Here are some tips for communicating to your spouse in a healthy way.

1) What you say: use words that build up and wisdom that is aligned with God's word. Can't do either? Hold your tongue.

2) How you say it: communication is so much more than words you say. Body language, tone, and timing are critical to speaking in a way that is healthy.

3) How you listen: if you're just waiting for your turn to speak, you're missing an opportunity to understand your spouse's heart. Listen intently, process what your spouse is saying, and respond thoughtfully...even if it means you don't say whatever you immediately have on your mind.

Just like everything, quality communication takes plenty of practice and time to learn. Make your communication intentional, and always seek to understand more than to be understood.

If you both do this, you'll experience a quality of communication and emotional intimacy of the deepest kind.

Communicate wisely, and love fiercely.
- Ryan & Selena

06/08/2024

Be wise…..

Living as one in marriage starts with well ordered priorities. Many understand what good priorities are (God first, then spouse, then kids, then everything else), but we can live contrary to that understanding. How we live reflects true priorities. This quote is as relevant today as the day it was written; let's walk through it.

1) "Prefer the person before money." How is your work/family balance? If you or your spouse is working so much that it takes away from family time, adjustment is needed. Take a look at your lifestyle, your expenses, and your buying habits. Are the extra hours necessary? Is the money worth it? Only you can answer these questions honestly and use wisdom to live in a way that keeps your marriage as a priority.

2) "Virtue before beauty." We live in a very externally focused culture. Character is often sacrificed for external appearances, and sometimes we can let those appearances affect how we love our spouses. Beauty is good and should be appreciated! But real beauty is far deeper than what you see with your eyes. Beauty starts with your identity in Christ: who God says you are and who your spouse is. Let that "virtue" – your spouse's identity in Christ – be the focus of your affections for one another.

3) "Mind before body." Your spouse's mind – their personality, ideas, and ways of expressing them – will only grow better with time. Your deepest affections for each other will go far beyond your bodies (though we hope you grow in your physical attractions too!). Your deepest connections happen between your hearts and minds - your beliefs, intellect, and intuition. Prefer your spouse's mind; prefer their soul. When you do, you prefer the deepest parts of them.

We pray that you and your spouse grow deeper together as you learn to live as one. Most of all, we pray that you see each other as God sees you: lovely, cherished, and full of value in Christ.

Love fiercely,
Ryan & Selena

03/26/2024

More kissing & Less bickering is a great motto and goal.

Something unique happens during an intentional kiss. Why not kiss a little more?

02/26/2024

Strong like a lion to defend his family and gentle like a lamb with his family.

Men, your bride is a treasure to be cherished and your family is a blessing not to be taken for granted. It's vital to love them gently, where they're at, and how they'll feel it most.

Specifically, when it comes to being a husband, we men can sometimes respond harshly, even when our intentions are good.

We want to solve problems, fix situations, and get to an answer as quickly as possible. Those desires aren't bad, but sometimes we forget that there may be an underlying issue that needs our gentle, loving attention.

What good is solving a problem if it creates more along the way?

We must care for our wives' hearts with the utmost tenderness. Sometimes we must open our eyes to that which isn't obviously visible on the surface.

How? Try this.

Listen intently, seek full understanding, speak compassionately, and help empathetically. And when all else fails, be patient. If you're not seeing progress, trust that it will come with time.

Love your wife gently, it's one of the manliest things you can possibly do.

Stay fierce,
Ryan

FIERCE WIFE: If you're reading this, tag your husband and let him know you're praying for him today.

HUSBANDS: If you're looking for ways to love your wife intentionally, check out the 31-Day Pursuit Challenge (https://31daypursuit.com). It's a 31-day challenge that will help you love her heroically and intentionally.

02/13/2024

So right!! Mutual selfless service will always build the strongest, forever marriages.

Marriage is a beautiful covenant that emphasizes the importance of becoming one with God. May we never forget the importance of what marriage truly is!

02/12/2024

Choose wisely and put in the work!

There is no treasure quite like a marriage which stands the test of time. Our loudest prayer is that God would raise up this generation to understand the price of lifelong love and eagerly choose to pay it.

Imagine... what would your family, church, and society look like if three generations from now they can look back at a history of healthy, lasting (though imperfect) marriages? How will your marriage help shape the marriages of your children and your children's children?

How you choose to love each other in your marriage will have a MUCH greater impact in the generations to come than what you earn, accomplish, say, or do.

We remain incredibly thankful for the more mature, wiser, and older couples who have gone before us and modeled biblical love along the way. There truly is no treasure quite like a marriage which stands the test of time.

• For other couples, they're an encouragement and a bastion of hope.

• For their families, they're a steady reminder of strength and grace.

• For the Church, they pass along a legacy of faithfulness, endurance, and love.

• For society, they are a foundation for flourishing future generations.

As you look at your own marriage, remember that lifelong love is always a lifelong choice. Talk to any couple who has persevered and you'll hear stories of heartache, anger, frustration, and difficulty... BUT, you'll also hear stories of forgiveness, reconciliation, healing, grace, joy, and delight!

Marriage is an incredible gift and an immense responsibility. May we steward this gift well and may God bless our daily decisions to love one another His way instead of our own.

Stay fierce,
Ryan & Selena

02/06/2024

Be in pursuit of your spouse, forever.

A man in love is in constant pursuit. His every action is directed toward what - or whom - he loves most.

Watch a man's pursuit, see what he really loves.

As a husband, I have vowed to pursue my bride above all else (besides Jesus). How can I possibly do that? I'm far from perfect, but here are a few ways I'm learning to love Selena well.

1) Give her my time.
For Selena, quality time is her top love language, so I must become fluent in speaking it. Whenever possible, I try to carve out extra time for us to be together. This means some other things I want to do get axed, but the reward is well worth it.

2) Give her my attention
It's one thing to be in the same room, it's another to be present together. I'm learning to engage with her and our little girls emotionally...mentally. There's no substitute for the focused attention a husband/father can give is family, and only I can give it to them.

3) Give her my affection.
Too much time passes between hugs and "I love yous" if I don't make a conscious effort. I'm learning to tell her I love her as much as I think it, and I'm learning to give her physical affection that she enjoys (not just the kind that leads to s*x): tender touches, thoughtfully grabbing her hand when in public, and hugging casually without pretense or expectation.

Notice how every one of these ways starts with the word "give". That's love. Love is generously giving of yourself to another without demanding anything in return. Do I receive love back from Selena? Of course! But love doesn't demand it.

That's exactly the love Christ gives us: free of strings, beyond measure. Oh that I may understand more deeply the love of Christ on the cross so that I can love and pursue my wife as well as I am called (Eph 5). Stay fierce, men. -Ryan

01/24/2024

Covenant, not contract. Keep your commitment and don’t just stay stuck, work to improve things and make them better.

Your marriage is a union forged by God! He has sealed your covenant and joined you as one. Let not anyone separate what God brought together. Fight for unity!

Fighting for unity means protecting yourselves from division and divisive people. This is especially true if you're going through a hard time.

Always remember: you can still be unified during disagreement.

Selena and I recently went through a rough patch (months long)—we felt like we were constantly arguing, unhappy, and anxious. We struggled to figure out what the issue was, and to be honest.. we still don't know. However, our times of disagreement never trumped our unity. We could both fight FOR each other through the disagreements because we knew without a shadow of a doubt that we were unified in our goal: closeness and reconciliation... and longevity. Neither of us thought twice about sticking together.

Our unity has been forged through the years—how can a short season of disagreement destroy all that God has built in that time? I'm happy to say we're on the other side of it now (whew!), and it feels incredible. We're more unified than ever.

Fight for your unity, fight for your marriage, and fight for what God has joined together.

Stay fierce,
Ryan

01/15/2024

Intimacy happens when you're totally exposed and still fully loved. This is your greatest opportunity to love in marriage.

There are two core aspects of intimacy.

1) Being totally honest and open with your spouse.

2) Loving them when they are totally honest and open with you.

This is love without posturing, without faking anything. That is when love is its fullest.

May you and your husband/wife be 100% honest with each other. And may you love each other 100% when imperfections are revealed.

It's risky, but always rewarding to love purely. The safety of true love isn't found in hiding imperfections or putting up a facade, but rather in your commitment to learning how to love each other even when your unloveable traits are plain to see.

Love fiercely,
Ryan & Selena