BackPorch Lilly

BackPorch Lilly Christian + Wife + Mama of 3
• Life after loss
• Furniture Refinisher
• DIY, etc
• Faith, Family, & Furniture
“Must Trust” 💛

As the new year approaches I have been struggling with anxiety about what the future may hold, anxiety about facing more...
12/30/2025

As the new year approaches I have been struggling with anxiety about what the future may hold, anxiety about facing more sadness and grief, anxiety about all the unknowns of life. The turn of the year is so layered in emotions. It once brought so much hope, but now, after the loss of our daughter, it brings more birthdays and memories without her. And, after cancer, it also brings more tests to make sure it hasn’t returned. The new year, also, brings a quietness that I just haven’t grown comfort with yet. The unknowns can build and build and it is so easy for me to get overwhelmed by them. But God…in the stillness of my quiet time this morning the Lord reminded me of some many beautiful truths about Him. Truths that helped quiet my heart and to reorient my gaze upon Him. Truths that helped me cast all of my unknowns at His feet.

I thought I would share them with yall as I know many of you are facing similar heartache and struggles. I am praying they would help to quiet the worries and fears of your heart as we walk into the new year together…

He is in control of every detail of our lives. (Psalm 139:3)
He cares so deeply for every tear you shed. (Psalm 56:8)
He is our stronghold, our protector. (Psalm 46:1)
He will pluck you out of the net. (Psalm 25:15)
He is our help and our shield. (Psalm 33:20)
He hears our cries. (Psalm 4:3)
His steadfast love is abundant. (Psalm 5:7)
The Lord is the strength of His people (Psalm 28:8)
He is our dwelling place.
He loves us more than we can even imagine.
Everything in our life works out for our good and His glory
Our pain will not be wasted.
He is so near to the brokenhearted. (Psalm 34:18)
He is trustworthy and true.
He holds us ever so tightly in His hand.
He is our brightest light in the darkness.
He is just and righteous.
He is faithful.

Deep breaths…

Sweet friends as we walk into the new year…what is weighing on your heart as this year ends? Please feel free to share…I would love to join you in prayer as we walk into the new year together.
Make the Lord your dwelling place, seek Him, rest in Him…

And remember to “Must Trust” 💛

12/16/2025

After the loss of our darling daughter, I have come to realize how incredibly important sharing memories are. They are our priceless treasure. They link us to our person. When we close our eyes and relive those beautiful memories our hearts can rest…for in that moment our person is sitting across the table from us or resting their heads on our shoulder, they are baking in the kitchen or telling us a story, they are smiling with big tooth filled grins or just simply sipping a cup of coffee. They are vibrant and full of more color than you can imagine. They are full of life…the life that we lost. And any chance we have to share is an immense blessing.

So, sweet friends, here is OUR REEL. It is a reel is full of beautiful and sacred words...the memories of loved ones we have lost…our priceless treasures!

As I typed out each letter, of each word, of each sentence…I felt the weight.
-I felt the ache of missing.
-I felt the longing to turn back time.
-I felt the joy and smiled.
-I heard their laughter.
-I thought of your people with a heart of gratitude.
-My heart broke and cried with you.

What an honor it is to be apart of this community…what a gift y’all have given me in allowing me to share my Izzy! Thank you for sharing your precious ones with me!

💛If you didn’t get a chance to share for the reel…please feel free to share a memory of someone you are missing in the comments. I will read each one…and remember them with you.

~”Must Trust”💛

12/16/2025

After the loss of my daughter, I never imagined…I would find the strength to redo her room. I never imagined…after redoing her room there would be a cozy corner filled with healing and comfort.

I never imagined…this cozy corner would make me feel close to my girl…sitting in the place she once slept and dreamed of her life to come.

I never imagined, as I sat in this cozy corner… I would actually breathe, rest, and smile in a place that once held so many tears.

This corner of the room, my Izzy’s corner of the room…was once such a dark place for me. A place that held my darkest days of grief…a place where I struggled to find hope or see the light.

But God…by His grace and His mercy…the corner once darkened by grief and loss…is now cozy and filled with hope. It has become my favorite place in the house to sit and think of my girl.

Three years ago, I couldn’t imagine this moment. Sitting here now with a cup of coffee, smiling through the tears, whispering prayers, and holding onto hope.

This cozy corner is more than just a chair in a room. It’s a testimony of God’s goodness. He is the God of the impossible, the God who brings light into darkness, and the God who allows beauty to grow in the midst of the ashes.

By God’s great mercy and love…What was once my darkest place is now my cozy corner filled with hope and precious memories of my girl.

~”Must Trust”💛

12/12/2025

One of the lessons I have learned as we face the 4th Christmas since the loss of our daughter is…to do the hard things…
*****
Last night we decorated our Christmas tree…it currently sits with every mix-matched ornament your could think of…from ramen noodles and dino nuggies to Rainbow Dash and Olaf, but it is also filled with the beautiful faces of my children. These handmade ornaments have weathered the heat of our Texas attic in summer…and they are beautiful…they are imperfect, wrinkled, missing letters and pom poms…but goodness they hold some of my most treasured memories of my littles. They are more precious to me than the most exquisite ornament you could buy.

However, after the loss of our daughter 3 years ago…I couldn’t bear the thought of opening her ornament box. It terrified me…so we paused as a family and waited for year two. When Christmas rolled in for year two we opened Izzy’s ornament box…quietly remembering the last hands to touch them were hers. My husband and I took a deep breath and began to hang them up. It was excruciatingly painful…but also so so beautiful. I was reminded of the beautiful things my sweet girl loved…like baking macarons and her obsession with the movie Frozen and our sweet trip to Savannah, GA when she turned 13…

(Cont’d in comments)

12/04/2025

🌲Like this beautiful nativity…made by my mom…many many years ago.

Growing up…this was by far my favorite Christmas decoration. My mom would always display it on the piano or the coffee table surrounded by fresh evergreen clippings. I remember watching her pull each item out of the box every year and carefully arrange them into the perfect position.

And now, here we are…many years later…in the midst of facing the hardest days of dementia with my sweet mom…and today I carefully arranged her beautiful nativity. It sits amount greenery, next to my dad’s well worn Bible, on the shelves of a beautiful secretary desk in which I spent many of my childhood days coloring…as did my sweet Izzy. This entire display holds memories of my precious people I have lost…my dad…my darling daughter, and my sweet mom. It holds memories of my childhood and it creates a warmth and coziness in my living room which I could never find in any store.

💛Sweet friends, I so encourage you to decorate with special and meaningful items…avoid the trends, avoid the stores, beauty can be found in those old boxes stored in your attic.

11/12/2025

Watching a love one suffer with dementia or Alzheimer’s is such a hard and long journey. My mom has spent the last 13 years fighting this disease…and though it has robbed us in so many ways. There have been so many joy filled moments…so many special conversations with my mom that I will hold onto tightly for the rest of my life.

Some of my favorite moments have been reading the Bible to her…especially Psalm 23. Through this entire journey…it didn’t matter how far away her mind seemed…Psalm 23 was always right there...right on her lips…she would recite them with a sparkle eye and with a child like faith. It always, always encouraged my heart.

Lately, as my mom has progressed…she is no longer talking as much…we are entering into her last days. However, despite her sparkle dimming…my mom still focuses and locks in when Psalm 23 is read to her.

Sweet friends…God’s word is so powerful. It is stronger than any disease we may face. His Word is steadfast and true. And despite our circumstances He is always near.

~”Must Trust”💛

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76085-76088

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