06/09/2026
This came up on my memories. Perfect timing, as the universe does. Wanted to share this with you.
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I find that I’ve been able to share lots of ‘personal’ things which in real life I would never (ever) have done, had it been a few years ago. Maybe even until recently. So if you don’t want to know about the raw and ugly, (and actually vulnerable) stop reading now.
Die lewe sal smaak soos hy wil. And sometimes it actually tastes a bit terrible. The best part about that, is the opposite happening. The extremes balance each other and help us or force us to appreciate ‘what we have, and what we don’t have’. It’s like drinking tequila (which I love, by the way)… We can have tequila with lemon and salt. Or tabasco. Or straight up. Or as a margarita with crushed ice in a beautiful thin glassed cocktail carafe. The result is feeling awesome, ditzy, like we’ve had too much, like we want more, headache, numb, or like dancing, or like having another, and the next, or never again. Or we have no tequila at all. Whatever we choose to do is okay. Nobody’s business. Nobody’s circus but our own. Lekker. Los almal net uit en doen jou ding.
A while ago, you might remember or know (or not) that I went on a solo holiday, which ended up being a journey to find myself. This started in November 2022. So it’s a few months ago now. 9 months to be exact. How ironic. The length of a real pregnancy, and the length of a paper pregnancy. Seems that is the time it takes for something new to be born. That journey of mine was brought up this week by a few people – they just talked about it to me – whether I’d met them before or not, I happened to be in a space where people who ‘know me’ were also, and so they spoke about it.
I ended up reflecting on a few things as a result of that. And here I am, telling you about it.
What brought on the solo journey is that I felt quite alone and also abandoned. Suddenly I realized that I had experienced loss and sadness, and was in a deep and difficult place of grieving and I didn't know how to do it, and my magic power has always been avoiding talking about things. Even being in denial. And I’m not going to talk about it now because the point is feeling abandoned and fearing feeling abandoned. I have had an incredible struggle with abandonment.
So I went on my solo holiday in November 2022. I did it again in April 2023. First time in my life. Who does that. I did lots of things alone. I was alone on new year. Alone on my birthday. By myself. On the road for hours and hours (10 at a time some days), and my holiday included doing everything by myself for 1 week, 2 weeks, 3 weeks. And I was okay with it. Totally comfortable and I embraced it. The times I was alone were by choice. This is important. I needed it. It had to be like that.
I was so afraid of abandonment that I created two WhatsApp groups for my business. Posted exactly the same things on both. But why two then? Because I was afraid people on the group would see other people leaving. And at least if there were two groups of 250 people each, only 250 people at a time would know that somebody left. Better than 500 people knowing. Much better. Even if the people who were leaving were people I had never met, didn’t know, had never bought anything and were never going to anyway. They were leaving me.
I came to a wonderful awakening, and after many nights of tears and strife and heartache and wondering what to do better and how to be better, I somehow realized that nobody has abandoned me and nobody is leaving me or has left me. They really are doing me a favour by making room for better suited people to be in my life, and for me to be in their lives also so I don’t have to pay attention to sadness and negativity. I am all I need in my life. I am equipped with everything I will ever need in my life to do anything I ever want to do (as are you, by the way!!)
I merged the two groups (you will remember this if you were on either of the groups) and I felt totally fine doing it – and I am okay with each person who decides to stay or leave. It’s not personal. I get it. It really has nothing to do with me when somebody leaves my space.
Whew…………………..
The past few months, 9 months, as we said, I have been trying to work out where I am meant to be – meaning – how do I fit in and where do I fit in, and how should I position myself and by myself I am referring to this business. My education is marketing, by profession is media, my spark is sales, and my heart is with making people who come into my life feel loved and seen and heard and important. That is where I want to be. Where I can bring these things to you.
I’ve said before that I do not have to fit in anywhere, because I really don’t feel like I fit in anywhere. Never really have. And I was even told that not any man would just love me. It would take a very special man to love me because I am not what any man would want. I release that s**t from my life too. Flippen flip that. But in the same breath, it’s true. My standards are high and I hope not just any man will want me because I by no means want to settle for whatever is available. No thank you.
I know I don’t fit in mostly, but I most certainly do feel comfortable everywhere I go. It doesn’t matter where I find myself. I can be in crazy places - I was in one today… a filthy place with broken tiles and dirty bathrooms and scruffy people who look questionable to most people and who make them feel afraid. I can be in other places that are the opposite... luxury and grandeur. I am okay in both environments. I don’t fit in, but I do.
Wherever I am, I know I am okay and I know I belong, and I feel like I am meant to be there. I love my life. I am once again so thankful and grateful and alles at the same time.
I have realized what I am going to do with my path going forward. It’s taken months of research and figuring things out, and working hours on end, and waking up early and going to bed late, and Sundays and holidays working. My life certainly looks like a life of luxury and being spoilt, I’m sure… seems I’m always galavanting somewhere. But I am also working while galavanting. Everything has purpose. Everything I do is intentional. I have always thought of myself as being very serious. Very black and white and able to make decisions on the spot. It’s easy for me. I look colourful and all over the show… but I know exactly what’s going on and what is where at any time. I’m totally aware of everything. And everything is perfect at all times.
Hallo Dolly will experience a few changes over the next while, all of this is exactly where it should be right now – in my head. And when the time is right I will tell you. I know what I want to do, I am still figuring out how to do it. I don’t know exactly how yet. But I know.
I have shaken my mentality of lack. That has been the greatest downfall of my life. And now it's gone.
My friend told me long time ago, 'Elke baba is met n sakkie geld gebore'. And it’s the same with this new baby – what it needs will come at the right time.
I love my life which for me is a great luxury – because the greatest luxury in life, is choice. We all have choice.
And it’s your choice to be on this journey with me also. If you decide to stay, thank you. If you decide to leave, thank you. I am no longer afraid.
