08/06/2026
This Garden of mine…. 🪴😩 right now it’s in shambles after all the harsh heat and wild rain of summer. I’ve completely neglected it deciding it was too hot and too much work to even go out there, so today I woke up early and got outside before the sun came up.
I honestly didn’t know it would become what it did, and I don’t know what possessed me today to do this. I was happily cleaning it out, enjoying my morning, not bothered by the millions of mosquito bite I was collecting.
Before I knew it was angrily ripping out weeds, using every bit of energy I had to tear out these invasive plants and tearing up the veggies that I let die from neglect. Then, out of nowhere , I found myself balling my eyes out, on my knees.
It all hit me at once… today is my brother’s birthday. And I miss him… but on top of that, I miss my dad and I miss my father in law. All the father figures in my life left this earth and I felt mad and cheated , and alone. Right there in this moment….
I had no idea why that happened and it honestly scared me for a minute. But then I looked down with my eyes filled with tears and this tiny adorable inch worm crawled up my leg 🐛 . I immediately started laughing. My tears stopped and my pain instantly turned to joy. And that was such a huge lesson for me.
Just like my garden, I’ve been neglecting myself. I’ve not been talking about my father in laws death and how bad it effected me, I never talk about my dads death and how badly it effected me, but somehow I have always spoken about my brothers death. Well today he reminded me to let it out while I was on my knees covered in dirt and sobbing.
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So here I am, raw, sweaty and eyes swollen from crying. I share this because this garden is more than a hobby for me, it has been therapy. It has brought me so much joy and peace, and it has also brought me pain, tears and suffering.
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Maybe gardening isn’t for everyone, and I get that. But when it comes to grief, I hope you find your thing. The thing you can go to that heals you, yet pushes you past your comfort zone, to a place where the skeletons you buried get dug up sometimes. That is healing! ❤️🩹
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I love you 💕